Before you read this, there is something you need to know. This was a sad post and I knew maybe I shouldn’t write it here. But, still, I needed to write it down somewhere to calm my feeling and as a reminder that it is human.
Quiet people have the loudest mind
Few weeks ago, I found myself trapped in loneliness. I felt worthless and no one cares about me. I let myself drown in tear and then — WAIT! I checked my phone. I saw some chats I had with friends. Well, I had some friends to talk to. I also had families who love me. It felt weird to be lonely in this kind of situation. But, the pain was real.
So, I looked inside of me. There were storm inside. Thunders were roaring and hard rain were dancing with whirlwind. What’s going on?
After some stormy night, accidentally I found this:
You feel lonely not when no one cares about you,
but when someone you expect to care doesn’t care about you at all.
That was feel so right…
Since I was a kid, I knew I’m bad at socialization. I do have friends but only few I can really rely on. I care about them and bring their names in prayer. I tried to be a good friend for them. Unfortunately, there is one who didn’t think like I did. I knew she was busy but she always had time with her other friends while left me alone. I was wrong when I post on instagram: ‘it is okay for being invisible’. I’m not invisible. I’m fully visible but totally ignored. Whatever her reasons, she forget me in many ways. She might won’t even realize even if she read this. What a sad truth, but at least this is a truth. I’d rather live in bitter truth than in sweet lie.
Then, the rain stop. The thunder was gone. Storm had passed.
Now that I realized one friend can hurt that much, I wondered if i ever hurt other too. It is not only ridiculously painful but left undeniable scar. I don’t want wound my friend. I’ll try my best to be better friend, even for her. And yes, becoming a good friend is much more difficult than to look for one.
Have you ever feel what I felt? It’s normal. It’s human. It’s a proof that we need other people. Keep smiling, keep doing good. The storm will pass :’)